MARRIAGE ADVICE CONTINUED (2)


22. If your goal is to have a satisfying marriage with longevity, make sure you are accountable for the part you play in the relationship — good or bad. When you are in denial about your part in the relationship then you are no better than a child flinging sand at another child in a sandbox.
When you take responsibility for your part in the marriage, only then will you be able to connect with your partner in a mature, intimate way. - Carin Goldstein, LMFT

23. Research consistently shows that touching more creates a stronger bond by releasing oxytocin. Hold hands, rub shoulders, hug, kiss, give high-fives or even fist-bumps or bottom pats. When you give a quick hug or kiss, try to lengthen it to at least 5 or 10 seconds for more effective results! - Lori Lowe, MA

24. Learn how to agree to disagree. No two people agree on everything, and that's okay, but it's important to be okay with each other's differences. - Lee Bowers, LP, PhD

25. Sometimes it's not about the amount of money you spend on a gift; it's about the thought that goes into something. Take the time to write a thoughtful note every so often saying what you love and appreciate about him/her. Drop it in his/her briefcase or purse so he/she will find it unexpectedly and it will brighten up his/her day. - Suzanne K. Oshima, Dating Coach

26. For men, it's important to understand that women want to be listened to. Men don't need to solve or fix everything; listening itself is an exceptional gift. For women, it's important to understand that men need time for themselves. By giving him space to pull away and not taking it personally, you allow him to reconnect with his desire for you and his commitment to the relationship. - MarsVenus Coaching, Life Coach

27. The biggest waste of effort in a marriage is trying to change your spouse, since the problems you have with your spouse are generally problems you have in yourself. When you try to change your spouse you come across as a nag and wind up sending the message that 'who you are is not enough.' Nobody likes getting that message, and it leads to distance and polarization. Let your spouse be who he or she is and focus on changing yourself. - Dr. Rick Kirschner, Relationship Coach

28. See problems — boredom in the bedroom, lack of conversations, resentment — as symptoms and treat those symptoms just as you would treat a chronic illness that seemingly has no cure. Throw at it every possible remedy you've got, no matter how alternative or weird it seems. Chances are one or more of them will actually work and your marriage will get stronger and stronger. - Alisa Bowman, Relationship Coach

29. Next time you argue with your partner, drop the shaming, blaming, needing to be right, and really listen without interrupting. Then communicate how you feel, using "I" statements. It's not your partner's job to read your mind, guess what you're thinking, or put words into your mouth. These are huge obstacles to open, honest communication and will guarantee resentment, anger, and frustration in the relationship. - Sharon Rivkin, MA, MFT

30. Are you creating more pleasurable interactions in your marriage or are you making it painful or unpleasant for your spouse? If your spouse treats you with kindness, gentleness, patience and self-control, it's easy for you to respond kindly. If you are treated badly, with anger, impatience, etc., it's difficult to be nice in return. Focus on how you can be a blessing to your spouse and, in turn, you will be blessed and so will your marriage. - Mack Har

31. Never begin a sentence with the word 'you'. Instead start with the word "I" and then share your feelings instead of your thoughts. This is not as easy as it sounds because we all disguise a lot of thoughts as feelings, as in "I feel like you are avoiding me." Genuine feelings are sad, angry, happy, lonely, frustrated, etc and sharing your core feelings creates better communication, and more connection and compassion. - Veronica Monet, ACS, CAM

32. Change your focus to one of learning to appreciate your partner. - Michelle Poll, CPC, MA

33. Let go of criticism and blame. Focus on what there is to appreciate about your mate, then honestly and spontaneously express your specific appreciation to them. It's also good to do this for yourself. - Judith Joyce, Life Coach

34. Never lose the fine art of dating. Setting aside a romantic evening on a regular basis can rekindle the magic of a long-term relationship. It doesn't have to be fancy, just special time for the two of you to remember how and why you first fell in love. - John Sovec, LMFT

35. Have regular times, even if it's just for 15 minutes, to check in on your relationship and what you appreciate about each other. No talk about kids, schedules, etc. allowed. - Mary Kay Aide, MS

36. Recognize that your husband or wife is mirroring back to you who you are. So take whatever you're upset with him/her about and use it to help yourself look squarely at what you need to do in order to grow and evolve—the relationship will thrive! - Ilene Dillon, LCSW, LMFT

37. Before you get mad or assign blame, take a breath and ask your partner for his or her perspective. For instance, it's your spouse's job to walk the dog in the morning, but you discover dog poop on the kitchen floor and cleaning it up makes you late for work. Instead of immediately placing blame, saying something like, "I'm puzzled about what happened with Spot this morning," is a gentle way to start a conversation. - Jean Fitzpatrick. L.P

38. Make a list of three of the happiest moments in your marriage. Spend a few minutes each day briefly reliving those moments in your mind. The results will amaze you. - Lucia, Dating Coach

39. Create a clear vision of your shared future together. Sit down, listen to each other and write out how you want your future as a couple to look. It's much easier to create your best relationship together if both people's needs are voiced, heard and supported by their partner. Eve Agee, PhD

40. Censor every impulse to blame or criticize your partner. Do everything you can to support your partner's well-being, and respect your partner as you would your best friend. – John Gerson, Ph.D

Comments

Post a Comment

POPULAR POSTS

11 TIPS ON HOW TO BUILD AND MAINTAIN HEALTHY, HAPPY AND SATISFYING RELATIONSHIPS

A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Good relationships improve all aspects of your life, strengthening your health, your mind, and your connections with others. However, if the relationship isn't working, it can also be a tremendous drain. Relationships are an investment. The more you put in, the more you can get back. These tips can help keep a healthy relationship strong, or repair trust and love in a relationship on the rocks. 1: Keep physical intimacy alive: Touch is a fundamental part of human existence; studies on infants have shown the importance of regular, loving touch and holding on brain development. These benefits do not end in childhood. Life without physical contact with others is a lonely life indeed. Studies have shown that affectionate touch actually boosts the body’s levels of oxytocin, a hormone that influences bonding and attachment. In a committed relationship between two adult partners, physical intercourse i...
Read more

RELATIONSHIP: WHAT YOU NEED TO CONSIDER BEFORE ENTERING RELATIONSHIP.

FALL IN LOVE BUT USE YOUR BRAIN Before you start a relationship, you must think carefully about what you are about to do. A relationship is not something you should rush into or handle lightly. Are you ready for relationship with him/her? Are you emotionally, mentally and spiritually mature to meet his/her needs? Being sexually attracted to her means absolutely nothing. It isn’t a sign of likeness, love or any other thing your mind may come up with. It may just be your hormones messing with your mind.  A woman is more than her body and her sexuality; she has a life which you should be able to blend with. Can you do that? This lady/guy has a history, can you handle it? He/she has a past, can you handle it? Can you handle his/her mistakes, failures and weaknesses? Can you handle his/her dreams without being intimidated and becoming jealous? He/she already had a life before she met you can you fit into and help improve his/her life? Love is commitm...
Read more

HOW TO MAKE A GUY FALL IN LOVE AND COMMIT TO YOU

Most women still want relationships with men and most men still want to find that woman that will sweep him off his feet. A lot of women have no idea what men are really looking for. Can you really make a man want you even if he is not interested yet? How can you make a guy fall in love and commit to you? What attraction can you use in order to attract men? Find out what he likes: Who is this guy you are interested in? Did you fall in love with someone who is crazy about sports? Is he into vintage cars? Does he like movies? Is he a couch potato? The key to attracting his attention is to find out what he likes, and then be the kind of woman who likes the same things to the extent that you can. If he likes cars, you need to learn about cars so you can offer some intelligent comments on the subject. Does he follow the local sports teams? Learn about sports. Learn the name of the local team and some of the most popular players. Does he like hiking? Buy some hiking boots. The ke...
Read more

WHAT MEN WANT FROM WOMEN IN A RELATIONSHIP

What women think men want from them cause women to have resentment and anger toward men, and feel hopeless about ever developing a wonderful, warm, romantic partnership. What men think women want from them causes them much of the same feelings and frustration. Here are seven things that some men say they want from women: 1. HONEST COMMUNICATION: They want a woman who answers questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers’ information. Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively. 2. MEN WANT SELF-SUFFICIENT, SECURE, CONFIDENT WOMEN : Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your o...
Read more

EMOTIONAL NEEDS OF YOUR PARTNER.

Whether married or single, do not neglect the emotional needs of your partner: Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for an altar-bound-relationship or marriage to be successful, those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated. To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs: ·          Affection, ·            Attention,   and ·          Appreciation. To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs: ·          Respect, ·          Reassurance, and ·          Relief. It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy. For the married, as long as each partner is ful...
Read more