WHY PEOPLE MARRY WRONG PERSONS

Many married people are daily regretting and
cursing their marriages. If you are single, know
the reasons why people marry wrong persons and
end their marriages in bitter separations or live to
endure it.
1. YOU FOCUS MORE ON CHEMISTRY THAN ON
CHARACTER
Principle: Never marry someone because you’re in
love. Falling in love is a state of temporary
psychosis. It is the “delusion of fusion.” Identify
the specific character traits you must have in
your spouse and know clearly how to asses for
each one.
Background checks are essential, Be especially
careful to check out the family.
People from warm and loving homes will most
likely be emotionally healthy people.
Chemistry means there is physical and sexual
attraction.
Compatibility: Looking for sameness: same
backgrounds, culture, language, interests,politics
etc. Temperament types are important to know.
2. YOU EXPECT HIM OR HER TO CHANGE AFTER
YOU'RE MARRIED
The question you must ask is, “Can I live with
this person the way he is now and be happy with
him?”
Principle: Never marry potential. This implies bad
potential. He’s a chronic smoker and drunkard
and says he’ll change for you. This is bad
potential. If he doesn't change you’ll resent him.
3. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE FUNDAMENTAL
NEEDS OF MEN AND WOMEN
This is all about making sure the male-female
energies are in sync. Men and women each have
one core emotional need. Men want to be
respected. Women want to be cherished, which
means they want to be protected, provided for,
and guided. The ultimate prerequisite for a man to
get married is that he is ready to take
responsibility. He has to be ready to be a “man.”
4. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND
WHERE YOU'RE GOING
This means knowing what you stand for in life:
Your values, priorities, and goals.
Ideally you should not be considering marriage
until you've answered life’s most important
question: What am I living for? Two people who
have the same life goal have a much greater
chance of growing together and staying together
in a deeply bonded way. A soul mate is a goal
mate.
Principle: The more clearly and narrowly we
define ourselves, the better our chance of finding
the right person.
Tools: What are we going to build together? What
are this person’s life commitments? What does
this person stand for? What is he passionate
about?
5. YOU GET INVOLVED SEXUALLY TOO QUICKLY
Becoming intimate too soon can be self-defeating
because it creates confusion.
• It may create a false sense of commitment and
depth.
• It may block you from processing your feelings
which is soul-tie
• It may lead to overlooking problems that should
not be overlooked.
6. YOU CHOOSE SOMEONE WHO IS ABUSIVE
The definition of an abusive relationship is one in
which you are afraid to express your feelings and
opinions.
Other indicators:
• You don’t feel emotionally safe.
• You have to monitor what you say.
• You walk on egg shells around this person.
• You don’t feel relaxed and don’t feel you can be
yourself.
• The person is demanding, controlling, or
communicates with anger and criticism.
7. YOU DO NOT HAVE A CONSISTENTLY
POSITIVE EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH EACH
OTHER
A positive emotional connection does not mean
you are in love.
Five questions to evaluate if you have a positive
emotional connection:
1. Do I respect and admire this person?
2. Do I trust this person in every way and feel I
can rely on his or her judgment?
3. Do I feel totally safe with this person (like I feel
with my best friend)?
4. Do I truly care about this person and have a
desire to give to him or her?
5. Are we open and honest with each other about
our feelings and opinions?
Your greatest tool for measuring the quality of the
relationship is your feelings.
Principle: Never dismiss anything that bothers
you! Process everything that bothers you.
8. YOU DON'T COMMUNICATE WELL
This is very important: You must be sure before
you get married that the two of you communicate
well.
Good communication means:
1. We can talk openly and honestly about our
feelings
2. We listen to each other and make it safe for
each other to express ourselves.
3. There is no defensiveness
4. We trust that together we can resolve problems
5. We have confidence in ourselves that we can
repair our breakdowns
6. We work well together; we’re a good team
Principle: You must be able to repair breakdowns
100%, which means there is no resentment or bad
feelings left over.
One of the biggest mistakes people make is to
believe that marriage will heal or fix their deep
inner pain. In many cases, marriage will only
make the pain greater and more unbearable!